So here it is: For four very brief but intense days last week Jacob reentered my life, and just like that he is gone again. This is not atypical at all. What is atypical this time is that I think I’ve finally got it. This time I listened and helped. That’s it. I approached this excursion with zero expectations. Only that I was his mother and that he needed help. For my trouble I am 94 dollars and 46 cents plus gas poorer and millions of dollars of knowledge and bonding richer. For four days I drove that man child around this city while he got a new license, opened a checking account, put a bumper on his truck, got a new starter and new front tires so that he can drive to a neighboring state to get trailer to help with his burgeoning lawn care business.

And just like that he is gone again. Having his needs met he has once again disappeared back into his own life, but this time I am left with a new peace for the first time in almost 2 years. I no longer cry when I think about him and what we have been through. I have forgiven him, but most of all I have forgiven myself.

I entered into this experience troubled, should I be doing this? Am I simply enabling him? I decided, right or wrong, he was going to do what he was going to do, and I might as well help with the things he honestly needs. Mostly for two reasons. I had taken the other road every time given the choice over his 17 years and that has turned out oh so well. What’s the definition of insanity again? The second reason being, just because he doesn’t believe it is true, does not change the fact that he is still a child and needs help. He needs to be taught how to do things in order to function in this society. It has become exorbitantly clear, no one else is going to help with this. That’s okay. I am his mother, it is my job and my responsibility, no matter how many poor decisions he makes or how many times he hurts me. News flash, the responsibility lies with me. I guess I have finally figured out it is time to put on my big girl panties.

So I helped. As counter intuitive as this was for me. But guess what? It worked. I now understand him better. He opened up, let me in and I understand what is going on in his life, what he is struggling with and why some of the things that happened a year and a half ago happened. I think, though I’m not certain, that we may have even learned to disagree. I hope he now knows where I stand and that he can turn to me for what he needs and knows where my values lie to not ask for what I can’t support, but that I still love him regardless. If he has in fact learned that, then all was a success.

1 tank of gas: $53.12
1 dodge truck starter: $94.46
2 new front tires: $165
1 new duplicate drivers license: $13
1 new checking account and lessons on how to balance it: free
4 days with a 17 year old: priceless

But do me a favor, don’t mention it to anyone that it took me 17 damn years to figure all this out. It’ll be our secret, okay? And the big girl panties? They take a little getting used to, but I think they’re gonna work just fine.