Well sports fans it’s that time again. Yep, Jacob turns 17 today and I have to say this is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. Almost up there with actually, physically letting him go.

Jacob,

Happy birthday! I can hardly believe you’re 17. I’m so glad they don’t let people have babies at 4, like I did, anymore. Dude, that’s just wrong.

I’m so excited for you this birthday, because today is the day you will finally get a driver’s license and get to drive your truck. All legal and all. That’s cool. That should open up a world of possibilities for you. I thought I would never see this day, that we would never get your seizures under control. But here we are. Go you.

This has been a crazy year. (In case you weren’t paying attention.) This is the year I learned that I have to let you go. Not just let you move out because you and your father are being an ass, but actually let you go, and learn to fly on your own. Let you start to make mistakes and learn from them. On. Your. Own. Needless to say, I’ve been incredible crappy at this thus far. The words: monumental failure may even come to mind. But some how, I’m actually learning to do this and guess what? You’re pretty good at this on your own stuff. I guess you could say that I owe you an apology for underestimating you. (So okay, I’m sorry.) You have managed to become quite found of a pretty nice girl, work all summer, save up enough money to buy a truck, and even purchase some lawn care equipment and start your own business. Maybe I should have shown you the door at 10, who knows, you might rule the world by now. Just joking. Sorta.

I know I held on way too tight for way too long. I’m not sure why I couldn’t recognize that you are the sort of kid who just needs to experience things on your own, your own way. I was that kind of kid, and I still am, but I guess I just wanted to save you from some of my mistakes. In that quest, I lost track of what was important: you. I just got so caught up in giving you the best life you could possible have, I forgot that you don’t actually belong to me, and that my idea of the best life might not actually be your idea. Don’t get me wrong, I still think I’m right, and that you will eventually see that, I just now understand better that you have to find out I’m right in your own time and own way. Sure you may fall down along the way, but that’s part of the learning experience and in the end, you are smart enough to make it through just fine, no matter where it is you decide you’re headed.

Jacob, I truly hope one day you’ll come to understand what took me way too long to learn; that God only lends us children, and that from the day that they are born, the process of letting go begins. It’s our job as parents to figure out how to balance all that; teaching them what they need to know and then letting them experience things for themselves. It’s a lot of balls in the air. It is not easy, but boy is it worth it. Some how wanting to save you turn into a struggle for control. I couldn’t see that at the time that I had cross the line and lost sight of the big picture.

You are one of the neatest people I know. You have an amazing view of the world and the best sense of humor. Like earlier this week when I walked out into the front yard, and you just came running up outta nowhere and tackled me. Who does that? I couldn’t stop laughing. But then when Jack and Em piled on, you helped me up and told them, ‘okay, that’s enough.’ You tackled me and saved me all in about 30 seconds.

I’m proud of the person you are growing up to be. I’m sorry I couldn’t see the big picture for awhile there. I see it now. I look forward to you figuring out the person you will eventually be and Jacob, I miss you so very much.

Love,

Mom