and this

but most of all this

Okay Jeff helped too, but only a little.

Somebody came home.

Things I have to do today:
1. Stop sitting in my own filth, ie get up from the computer and go shower
2. Go to work
3. Actually help people at work
4. Do something to make my sister in law’s new blog look acceptable, (it’d be too embarrassing for people to see that and know we’re related, even if just by marriage)
5. Mow the grass
6. Get the cherubs off the bus
7. Go see Hair
8. Avoid my shower
9. Drink my body weight in Diet Dr. Pepper*

Right now I’m wondering: ‘Really, how big a deal is it to sit in your own filth all day?’

*Okay, okay I just threw that last one in for fun.

I’m considering hiring this postal worker to follow me around for the rest of my life.

So here it is: For four very brief but intense days last week Jacob reentered my life, and just like that he is gone again. This is not atypical at all. What is atypical this time is that I think I’ve finally got it. This time I listened and helped. That’s it. I approached this excursion with zero expectations. Only that I was his mother and that he needed help. For my trouble I am 94 dollars and 46 cents plus gas poorer and millions of dollars of knowledge and bonding richer. For four days I drove that man child around this city while he got a new license, opened a checking account, put a bumper on his truck, got a new starter and new front tires so that he can drive to a neighboring state to get trailer to help with his burgeoning lawn care business.

And just like that he is gone again. Having his needs met he has once again disappeared back into his own life, but this time I am left with a new peace for the first time in almost 2 years. I no longer cry when I think about him and what we have been through. I have forgiven him, but most of all I have forgiven myself.

I entered into this experience troubled, should I be doing this? Am I simply enabling him? I decided, right or wrong, he was going to do what he was going to do, and I might as well help with the things he honestly needs. Mostly for two reasons. I had taken the other road every time given the choice over his 17 years and that has turned out oh so well. What’s the definition of insanity again? The second reason being, just because he doesn’t believe it is true, does not change the fact that he is still a child and needs help. He needs to be taught how to do things in order to function in this society. It has become exorbitantly clear, no one else is going to help with this. That’s okay. I am his mother, it is my job and my responsibility, no matter how many poor decisions he makes or how many times he hurts me. News flash, the responsibility lies with me. I guess I have finally figured out it is time to put on my big girl panties.

So I helped. As counter intuitive as this was for me. But guess what? It worked. I now understand him better. He opened up, let me in and I understand what is going on in his life, what he is struggling with and why some of the things that happened a year and a half ago happened. I think, though I’m not certain, that we may have even learned to disagree. I hope he now knows where I stand and that he can turn to me for what he needs and knows where my values lie to not ask for what I can’t support, but that I still love him regardless. If he has in fact learned that, then all was a success.

1 tank of gas: $53.12
1 dodge truck starter: $94.46
2 new front tires: $165
1 new duplicate drivers license: $13
1 new checking account and lessons on how to balance it: free
4 days with a 17 year old: priceless

But do me a favor, don’t mention it to anyone that it took me 17 damn years to figure all this out. It’ll be our secret, okay? And the big girl panties? They take a little getting used to, but I think they’re gonna work just fine.

Hi All,
I have been amazingly busy of late. I know it’s time for a state of the family address. I just realized it’s been over a year since the last one, and my pairs and pairs of readers must surely be waiting on pins and needles, (I see you Lori and Jeff and it’s coming). But until then I’ll at least fill you in on what I’ve been doing. So are you ready?
Okay here it is.
I’ve been using this:

To drive this:

All over this:

While ignoring this:

In order to attempt to get his life in order as he verges on the fringes of adulthood.
Boy do I need a nap. Or a drink. But probably both.

No one warns you of this shit when you are cuddling that beautiful new born.
They really should.
Figure out who dropped the ball on that and let me know, okay?

I don’t know Gab, but boy did she rock this post.

I have never had a better explanation of this facet of my religion.

Thank you Gab.

Over Heard While Making Lunches:

“How do you want your sandwich cut?”

“Di-angle-ily.”

“Really? Cause, I hate it when my angles dangle.”

I’m currently procrastinating getting ready for work, [insert shock here], so I thought I’d follow up yesterday’s post with things I have tried to rectified my current “ball dropping” situation.
1. Run around waving my arms in a clockwise direction
2. Ate cookies for breakfast
3. Blogged
4. Emptied out the entire Tupperware cabinet and left it there, as I discovered I was late for work before I could organize and put it back together.

5. Run around waving my arms in a counter-clockwise direction
6. Ignored the dishes

7. Stopped going to the dermatologist, because it wasn’t working anyway and that’ll show him
8. Lost my work cell phone, hey if I can’t get calls, I don’t have to work, or make money, ergo get a check
9. Didn’t turn in my time sheet yesterday, (see above - who needs money any way?)
10. Watched T.V.

Again, there’s probably more I’ve done that I just can’t remember right now, but I assure you they were all equally effective as the above.

I’d like to now open the floor for your suggestions. Come on, lay em on me. Wha’cha got? I’m up for anything in the name of false hope.

I am currently dropping the ball in my life.

The following is a list of things currently wrong at DRY Ink headquarters, (divided into categories for your viewing pleasure):

Missing:

2 library books
a 1st grade reader
1 ballet leg warmer
1 camouflaged belt
1 orange little league bat

Behind on:

uploading files for work
2 loads of dishes
5 loads of laundry
vacuuming, (the dust bunnies, they are everywhere)
mopping, (fun games at DRY Ink, you can stick to my floor!)
2 cherubs’ bedrooms that you can barely walk in
added bonus: time sheet due today!

Unfinished projects (not to be confused with “behind on”, because those are reoccurring things):

a master bathroom shower with exposed studs and a husband sharing the cherub’s bath

squirrel chewed holes in the highest eaves of my house, allowing those creatures to currently use my attic as a brothel

(if you listen closely you can hear ‘let’s get it on’ wafting out of the hole)
an unfinished mud room addition

(Do you see a mudroom here? Yeah, me neither)
the status of the kitchen oven undecided and therefore, untiled

crown molding incomplete on the new kitchen cabinets

hardwood flooring waiting for to be installed in Jacob’s old bedroom
(no picture here, it’s to embarrassing)

Personal:

whine
currently attempting to lose 5 pounds unsuccessfully for about the last year, have redoubled efforts in the last 3 weeks with same success rate
my back hurts, I carry all my stress in my shoulders
my face is broken out, the dermatologist is unable to tell why or improve the situation, after 3 months and 4 visits
a continuous feeling of dread and inability to keep up with ANYTHING, including volunteer and financial stuff that needs to be handled at the cherub’s school
/whine

I’m sure that there is stuff I have left out, because, well, that’s just what I do lately.

Is there anything I can half ass for you? I’ll be available all week.